Sanhedrin

The Emperor  once said to Rabban Gamaliel:  Your God is a thief, for it is written, And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man [Adam] and he slept [and He took one of his ribs etc.]  Thereupon his [the Emperor's]  daughter said to him: Leave him to me and I will answer him, and [turning to the Emperor] said: 'Give me a commander.'  'Why do you need him?' asked he. — 'Thieves visited us last night and robbed us of a silver pitcher, leaving a golden one in its place.' 'Would that such visited us every day!' he exclaimed. 'Ah!' she retorted, 'was it not to Adam's gain that he was deprived of a rib and a wife  presented to him in its stead to serve him?' He replied: 'This is what I mean: he should have taken it from him openly.'  Said she to him: 'Let me have a piece of raw meat.' It was given to her. She placed it under her armpit,  then took it out and offered it to him to eat. 'I find it loathsome,' he exclaimed. 'Even so would she [Eve] have been to Adam had she been taken from him openly,' she retorted. The Emperor also said to Rabban Gamaliel: I know what your God is doing, and where He is seated. Rabban Gamaliel became, [as it were] overcome and sighed, and on being asked the reason, answered. 'I have a son in one of the cities of the sea, and I yearn for him. Pray tell me about him.'  'Do I then know where he is,' he replied. 'You do not know what is on earth, and yet [claim to] know what is in heaven!' he retorted. Again the Emperor said to Rabban Gamaliel: 'It is written, He counteth the number of the stars etc.  In what way is that remarkable; I too can count them!' Rabban Gamaliel brought some quinces, put them into a sieve, whirled them around, and said: 'Count them.' 'Keep them still,' he requested. Thereupon Rabban Gamaliel observed, 'But the Heavens revolve so.' Some say that the Emperor spoke thus to him: 'The number of the stars is known to me.' Thereupon Rabban Gamaliel asked him, 'How many molars and [other] teeth have you' Putting his hand to his mouth, he began to count them. Said he to him, 'You know not what is in your mouth and yet wouldst know what is in Heaven!' Again the Emperor said to Rabban Gamaliel, 'He who created the mountains did not create the wind, for it is written, For lo, there is a former of mountains and creator of wind.'  — According to this reasoning, when we find it written of Adam, And He created…  and, And he formed:  would you also say that He who created this [one limb] did not create that [another limb]? Further there is a part of the human body just a handbreadth square, which contains two holes,  and because it is written, He that planteth ear, shall he not hear; he that formeth the eye, shall he not see?  would you maintain there too that He who created the one did not create the other? 'Even so,' he answered. 'Yet,' he [Rabban Gamaliel] rejoined, 'at death both  are brought to agree! A magi  once said to Amemar: From the middle of thy [body] upwards thou belongest to Ormuzd;  from the middle downwards, to Ahriman.  The latter asked: Why then does Ahriman permit Ormuzd to send water  through his territory? The Emperor proposed to R. Tanhum, 'Come, let us all be one people.' 'Very Well,' he answered, 'but we who are circumcised cannot possibly become like you;  do ye become circumcised and like us.' The Emperor replied: 'You have spoken well; nevertheless, anyone who gets the better of the king [in debate] must be thrown into the vivarium,  So they threw him in, but he was not eaten. Thereupon a heretic remarked: 'The reason they did not eat him is that they are not hungry.' They threw him [the heretic] in, and he was eaten. The Emperor said to Rabban Gamaliel: 'Ye maintain that upon every gathering of ten [Jews] the Shechinah rests:  how many Shechinahs are there then?' Rabban Gamaliel called [Caesar's] servant, and tapped him on the neck,  saying, 'Why does the sun enter into Caesar's house?'  'But,' he  exclaimed, 'the sun shines  upon the whole world!' 'Then if the sun, which is but one of the countless myriads of the servants of the Holy One, blessed be He, shines on the whole world, how much more the Shechinah of the Holy One, blessed be He, Himself!' A certain Min said to R. Abbahu: 'Your God is a jester,  for He said to Ezekiel. Lie down on thy left side,  and it is also written, Lie on thy right side.'  [Just then] a disciple came and asked him: 'What is the reason for the Sabbatical year?' 'Now,' said R. Abbahu, 'I shall give you an answer which will suit you both equally. The Holy One, blessed be He, said to Israel, Sow your seed six years but omit the seventh, that ye may know that the earth is mine  They, however, did not do so, but sinned and were exiled. Now, it is the universal practice that a king of flesh and blood against whom his subjects  have rebelled, if he be cruel, kills them all; if merciful, he slays half of them; but if he is exceptionally merciful,  he only chastises the great ones.  So also, the Holy One, blessed be He, afflicted Ezekiel in order to cleanse Israel from their iniquities.' A certain Min said to R. Abbahu: Your God is a priest, since it is written, That they take for me Terumah [wave offering].  Now, when He had buried Moses,  wherein did He bathe [after contact with the corpse]?  Should you reply, 'In water: is it not written, Who hath measured the waters in the hollow of His hand?  — 'He bathed in fire,' he answered, 'for it is written, Behold the Lord will come in fire.'  'Is then purification by fire effective?' 'On the contrary,' he replied, 'bathing [for purposes of purification] should essentially be in fire, for it is written, And all that abideth not the fire ye shall make to go through the water.'  A Min once said to R. Abina: It is written, And what one nation in the earth is like Thy people, [like] Israel.  Wherein lies their superiority: ye too are combined with us, for it is written, All the nations are as nothing before Him?  He answered: One of yourselves [Balaam] has already testified for us, as it is written,